Nauseous with stress

I sent an email reaching out to my sister in law. I really didn't want to, I feel like God is telling me it's time. This is the person that I kicked out of my house in a fury of pain and hurt and anger. It was bad. I hate that I lost control, that I let myself get to that point.

I'm kinda ticked at God for putting this on me, I'm still in pain from what happened, she doesn't even realize what she did to use me and cause hurt. And I know that it doesn't matter. I am called to show her the love and forgiveness that Christ shows me. I am to love her despite everything.

I'm stomping my feet right now! I want to hide away in my little shell away from pain and hurt and people. I am broken beyond human repair, I don't want to deal with it anymore! I am not capable of being who/what people need me to be. But I do know I have to so what God says, that dude is im control of EVERYTHING!!!!

So I sent the email. I apologized, she responded and it wasn't with all hate. I don't know what's going to come out of this, but I will continue to obey The Lord even when it stresses me out.

So if that wasn't enough for today my mother in law showed up outta the blue, hardly ever see or talk to her, lets just say I didn't need it today! Of course she wanted to talk about the above situation, not that she talks to her daughter, I just wasn't willing! Luckily she is easy to redirect!

As if those things weren't enough my girls have to go to their dads today. K is not ok with it, she doesn't want to go anymore, they don't get along despite me trying to help the situation. So she calls him which turns into a giant fight between this 11y/o child and 39y/o man! With them both yelling at each other! Really!?!? Oh and the best part is him telling her if shr doesn't then I am going to go to jail! Yep, threatening her mother helps the situation. Sigh.... We are waiting for him to show up in our meeting spot, not sure if she's even going to get out of the car....

I am literally sick with stress. I don't know what your plan is Lord but please give me the strength to follow you regardless of stressors.

Again.... This is posted from a phone in a car, not re-reading....forgive me...